Saturday, January 16, 2010



It's time I get myself focused. I know I've made mistakes. I get carried easily away by the promises of love, and the affairs of things I cannot control. What I know I can control is my actions, and where I want them to take me. I have been hiding for the past week or so. I've been spending all of my time in my own consciousness. With doing that, I found the only way for me to be happy is if I am completely aware of who I am, how I feel, what I want, and understand I cannot (nor do I want to) control other people, their emotions, and make them see my point of view. I know I am shy, and I know I tend to push people away, but without the people I know, and the people I love, I wouldn't be who I am. And I am still trying to figure who I am. I know that at the end of the day, it won't matter what art I have created, what photos I've taken, because what would it be without an audience? Another point of view?

I keep looking at the grand scheme of things. How the human race is such a small flicker in time. How one day the sun will die and the Earth will be stardust again. How people are just civilized animals, living instinctively without any idea where their thoughts or dreams come from, or why we even exist. I wish we could just look at one another and realize this - no one is going to make it out alive. Why are we living in such turmoil? Instead, we should be living in a world where we can create what we dreamt, and understand that everyone is an individual with their own dreams. Maybe the reason why we exist is so we can learn from one another. Everyone, right now who are alive with me in this point of time, are all aging and experiencing. I don't want to push them away, when they are the only ones I can actually communicate with and learn from. There will always be things we will never possibly understand - we can hypothesize and make theories, but we can never truly KNOW. But what I do actually know is my feelings, and my dreams, and what my reality is. It may not be the same as yours, but I will share it with you if you'd like, and you can show me yours, if you want. And we can learn from eachother, because, thats what I think we are here to do. Who would I be without the people I loved?... My family? My friends? What would be my purpose? Love is all you need.

Whew, glad I got that into words finally. I've been feeling better.
"Thought is real. Physical is the illusion. Ironic, huh?"


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